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Hi reader!
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Welcome to the November 2024 newsletter! A special welcome to new subscribers, I am so glad you are here!
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- Did you know I also wrote a book about Christmas? It is available through Barnes and Noble and makes a great stocking stuffer! I will be including it in some gift boxes I am putting together. Stay tuned!
- You can also ask your local public library to obtain a copy. Those recommendations give librarians community evidence that readers wants this material.
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Reason's Greetings Atheist Ugly Christmas Sweater Style Short Sleeve Tee
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Y'all, this election has hit hard for me. My back seized up in a way I have never experienced and I had to cancel an event for the first time ever! I am grateful that I am not traveling to visit extended family this year for both mental and physical reasons and I am finding more than ever that setting boundaries for myself is important.
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If you are still deciding whether to attend events with family members that do not respect or share your world view, I find the 5 | 5 | 5 approach helpful.
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This approach let's us explore decisions by considering how we will feel afterwards. For example, if I decide not to attend a family holiday event, how will I feel 5 days after that event ends? How will I feel 5 weeks later and 5 years later? If I think I will feel sad that I wasn't there or regret doing my own thing that year, I can explore that a bit more. But, if I am not seeking joy and connection, and just don't want a guilt trip, I may be able to address that with some self compassion and take the days in the direction I want to go.
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If you decide to attend an event, you may want to plan an approach that you can feel good about.
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I asked some folks about how they talk to their families when they love them, but disagree with their worldview. Here are some highlights as we enter the holiday season:
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Find ways you can be together peacefully. This might be activities where you share favorite memories or play a game together.
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Consider your goals and make a plan.
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Sometimes, we have to choose between being right and being connected when we cannot be both. If your aim is to remember a nice family gathering, and you know you have different opinions on an issue, you may decide not to discuss some topics.
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Before you attend or host a get together, make a plan. Consider how you will respond to unhelpful, non productive statements and how you will leave if that is what is best for you and your mental health. That might mean parking differently so you have easy access to your car or checking public transportation options ahead of time so you know when the last train leaves.
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You get to decide how and when you engage. If you anticipate that alcohol will make the later half of a visit too unpredictable, plan to leave early and communicate that.
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*"I'm excited to join the celebration! I'll be there from 3-6pm. Even though it's a shorter visit, I'm really looking forward to our time together."
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If there are topics you do not want to discuss, tell people. If your boundaries are not respected, know when to end the conversation or the visit. You may want to plan on what you will say,
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* "I love spending time with everyone, but I find this conflict upsetting. If the arguing continues, I'll need to head out, though I'd much prefer to stay and enjoy our time together.”
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*“I don’t appreciate you saying that to me”
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*“I don’t understand what your intention was with that comment”
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*“I am asking you to stop saying things like that”
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Be gentle with yourself. This is a great time to practice good self care. Think about what you can do both before and after a get together that will make you feel good over the long term.
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*Connect with a friend so you feel supported.
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*Get a good night’s sleep so you are well rested.
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*Minimize your alcohol intake so you have a clear mind and can leave when you want to.
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*Have a backup plan with an alternate activity you can enjoy if you need to leave. "If I need to leave I will go home and enjoy the pie I made and watch Star Trek knowing I did my best and it was enough.
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You can also consider turning the visit into a private game. Make a bingo card of the things you expect to happen so you can put some distance between yourself and the drama.
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I have a special digital download this month! It’s available only to newsletter subscribers as a free download you can print at home. The card is 5x7 and can be printed on 8.5x11 cardstock.
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Please use code reasonsgreetings
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Relaxed Fit Above Us Only Sky T-Shirt
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$30.00
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"Above Us Only Sky" displayed with an authentic telescope image of a large magellanic cloud.
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Show your secular side with this cool but subtle atheist design!
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Thomas Edison
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Thomas Edison
February 11, 1847-October 18,1931
"What you call God I call Nature, the Supreme intelligence that rules matter. . . it is doubtful in my opinion if our intelligence or soul or whatever one may call it lives hereafter as an entity or disperses back again from whence it came, scattered amongst the cells of which we are made."
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Do you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter? Sharing is caring!
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