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Hi reader!
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Welcome to the January newsletter! A special welcome to new subscribers, I am so glad you are here!
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Happy New Year!
Are you part of a secular community? Do you have a podcast or event coming up that I can help with? I would love to chat with you! Reach out at Betsy@BetsyDeVille.com
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I am excited to schedule events for 2025!
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As we circle the sun once more, I’m reflecting on growth and connection. I find myself contemplating what I want to cultivate in the new year. The theme that keeps bubbling up is community building.
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I attended a retreat last year that was nothing short of transformative. It was so fulfilling to spend time away from my day-to-day and be infused with new people and ideas. The retreat also reminded me how important connection is. As atheists and secular people, some forms of community, like church, are not part of our lives.
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At a recent atheist happy hour, I spoke with a friend about finding a secular community. We talked about how churches do a great job of building community with like-minded folks all moving in the same direction. Atheists, however, are a very diverse group. We truly have only one thing in common and it’s our absence of belief. So how do we find community?
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How are you connecting and contributing to the secular community?
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Many secular communities exist, but often atheists don’t belong to a regular social group. They are not experiencing a space where they can be their authentic selves - and feel seen and known. If you are not familiar with secular communities, I want to share some with you:
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Oasis is a place for the non-religious to come together to celebrate the human experience.
We understand that vibrant communities are central to human happiness and well-being. That’s why we need Oasis: to provide a place for like-minded individuals and families to connect, be inspired and feel empowered. Every Sunday morning, we offer you the chance to get together to discuss real-world principles supported by evidence and free thought. We also provide a place where your children can explore their developing world views, ask questions and make friends in an environment that’s supportive of critical thinking.
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The Society for Humanistic Judaism (SHJ) offers a way to celebrate Jewish life for those who identify as cultural, secular, humanistic, atheist/agnostic/freethinker, “just Jewish,” “spiritual not religious,” “recovering from religion,” Jew-ish, Jew-curious, part-Jewish…and our friends, family, and allies.
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The American Ethical Union creates, nurtures, and inspires ethical humanist communities to foster a world that is democratic, compassionate, just, and sustainable.
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As a non-theistic organization we do not concern ourselves with the existence or non-existence of a deity but instead embrace the diversity of our membership.
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The UUA is the central organization for the Unitarian Universalist (UU) religious movement in the United States. The UUA’s 1000+ member congregations are committed to Seven Principles that include the worth of each person, the need for justice and compassion, and the right to choose one’s own beliefs.
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Sunday Assembly is a global secular (non-religious) movement for wonder and good. We meet to celebrate life together in congregations and communities around the world.
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Connecting can be hard. Making new friends as adults can be hard. If you need support making a plan, I want to share some behavior science related to friendships:
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* We need about five encounters with a new person before they start to feel like a friend.
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* Getting in those repetitions in quick succession is helpful. (this points back to why a church based community can be so successful in building community).
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* Structured events are a bit easier for budding friendships because people know what the beginning, middle, and end are.
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* Talking, really talking, will also build familiarity and warmth.
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So how do you put that together?
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* Be the first to act. My family has heard me say, “sometimes, you have to make your own magic.” Be the one who plans the brunch and sends out the reminders.
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* Show up, even if you are too tired, busy, or don't want to drive. Treat this like a workout or some other deliberate practice. You may not enjoy some parts but you will be glad you did it.
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* Keep fucking going. You can set this up ahead of time by getting a group and commit to doing brunch at 5 different places over the course of 2 months. Assume 20-30% of folks won’t be able to go every week and invite a few more.
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* Be the community others need. Loneliness is very damaging to our health. If you can’t show up for yourself, try to find motivation by showing up for others who would otherwise be alone.
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Perfect for the proudly secular, this cheeky t-shirt puts a skeptic’s spin on a familiar phrase. The “Not Blessed Just Damn Lucky” design makes a subtle yet confident statement about embracing life’s randomness over divine intervention.
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It’s an excellent conversation starter for like-minded individuals and a playful way to share your perspective.
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$25.00
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Another great way to incorporate change is by celebrating success and creating moments of joy. This year will be painful as the new administration executes their plans for a different America. In all the darkness, it is important to find the light and be the light. Find small moments to celebrate with the people you love.
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I make this cake for the freezer, two at a time, so they are ready at a moment's notice. This is a moist chocolate cake and the frosting is rich but not not super sweet. You do not need a hand mixer, it all comes together in one bowl.
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1 cup hot coffee or hot water
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In a large bowl, whisk the first 6 ingredients together (flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, salt).
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In a separate bowl, whisk together eggs, oil and buttermilk.
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Add egg, oil, buttermilk mixture to dry ingredients and stir to combine. Batter will be thick.
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Add hot coffee or hot water; stir until combined. Batter will thin out considerably.
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Distribute evenly in prepared baking pans. Bake for 14 to 18 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.
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*If you don’t have buttermilk, no worries. You can substitute 2 tablespoons of lemon juice plus enough milk to make 1 cup.
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**If you have a smaller pan size, you will need more pans. Some stores sell 7x5-inch. If that is what you have, you can make three cakes with this recipe.
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Chocolate Ganache Frosting Ingredients
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12 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips
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1 ¼ cup heavy whipping cream or heavy cream***
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Place chocolate chips and butter in a large bowl.
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Heat the heavy cream either on the stove or in the microwave until almost boiling.
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Pour the heated heavy whipping cream over the chocolate chips and butter. Allow to sit for 5 minutes without stirring.
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Whisk until completely smooth and shiny.
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Cool to room temperature (this may take about an hour, but you can leave it at room temperature for longer).
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Whip the ganache with a hand held mixer until fluffy.
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Frost the cake once completely cooled and add sprinkles if you choose. Add the lid that came with the container, add a label and pop it in the freezer.
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***dairy labels can present challenges. Luckily, the FDA regulates labeling. Heavy whipping cream and heavy cream are required to have at least 36% milk fat. Whipping cream and light whipping cream contain 30-36% milk fat. Any of these will work just fine in this recipe.
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Did you know there is a coalition of secular organizations? This March, The Secular Coalition for America will be lobbying for secular values in Washington DC. and they are looking for volunteers.
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This warm and comfortable all over print hoodie features a design that combines the atheist A symbol with the beauty of the DNA double helix into a classic pattern you can wear anywhere!
In 2007, a bold red letter A was adopted from The Scarlet Letter to represent atheism. In The Scarlet Letter, the main character, Hester Prynne, is an unwed mother in a Puritan community who is tried and convicted of adultery when she has a child but is unmarried. Her sentence is a requirement to wear a large red letter A as a visual mark of her crime. This design includes symbolism representing atheism, skepticism, and feminism.
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Do you know someone who would enjoy this newsletter? Sharing is caring!
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